I want to tell you a story. Now remember, this story is entirely fictitious. It is not at all related to anyone's real life. This story is about a girl named . . . Anna. Although she is from . . . Canada, she lives and works in a foreign country called . . . the Dutch East Indies.
Anna hates her job. She teaches . . . Spanglish to the children of the Dutch East Indies. Everyday she goes into work with a forced smile on her face and a secret resolve never to teach Spanglish again in her entire life no matter how desperate or poor she is, even if Taco Bell isn't hiring. But if she ever does have to teach Spanglish again, it most definitely will not ever be in the Dutch East Indies. Of this she is confident, so much so that she swore she'd rather die than return to the Dutch East Indies.
The sad thing is that Anna didn't always feel this way. In fact, when she first arrived in the Dutch East Indies, she was quite confident that she would flourish and prosper in her new environment. Little did she know what she was in for. When Anna arrived at her school - WOMAN 11 is the name - she was surprised to find that the principal of the school, Mr. McDoody Jerkface Poopyhead, bore a striking resemblance to an Amer...ahem, a Canadian used car salesman. His protruding stomach, his greasy face, his oily mustache, and his too-perfectly-slicked-back hair exuded an attitude of self-important arrogance that gave Anna a bad vibe. Little did she know how right she was to distrust him.
In their first meeting, Principal McDoody Jerkface Poopyhead insisted that Anna wear the traditional clothes of the school, a constricting mummy uniform that trapped the heat in her body and made her sweat bullets every moment she was at work. In spite of the fact that Anna did not subscribe to the beliefs that required women to wear the constricting mummy uniform, she had no choice but to comply. It was only the beginning.
At first Anna was happy to accommodate this aspect of the culture because she wanted to be respectful. As time progressed, however, Principal McDoody Jerkface Poopyhead continued to impose rules and regulations and responsibilities upon Anna that were not within the stipulations of her contract. According to her contract, Anna was not a direct employee of the school and, as such, was not subject to the authority of Principal McDoody Jerkface Poopyhead. But Principal McDoody Jerkface Poopyhead didn't seem to care at all about the contract. In fact, he seemed to think he could boss Anna around because she was a woman and he was a man and therefore the naturally superior person. Anna quickly began to resent and revile the principal. When Principal McDoody Jerkface Poopyhead told the other teachers at WOMAN 11 that Anna said they couldn't teach, Anna was advised not to confront the principal about his lies because it was not her place. Anna reluctantly followed this advice, although she regretted it later.
For many months, Anna succeeded in avoiding Principal McDoody Jerkface Poopyhead. On the few occasions she did encounter him, she felt violated by his blatant stares at her breasts. She didn't understand why he couldn't look anywhere else. Here she was, wearing the most conservative, culturally sensitive, constricting mummy uniform she could find. She did not feel in the least bit sexy and couldn't even tell by looking in the mirror that she was, in fact, a woman. Yet her Principal McDoody Jerkface Poopyhead continually stared for long, uninterrupted periods at her lady parts. This infuriated her more than ever, especially because she had no real options for addressing this problem except to increase her attempts at avoidance.
This lack of respect from Principal McDoody Jerkface Poopyhead made Anna feel crushed and worthless. She had been working very hard to be a good teacher and do a good job at her school, but the continued shows of disrespect from the principal left her feeling like there was no point. Suddenly the mummy uniform, a benign piece of clothing, became the symbol of all her misery and unhappiness and she loathed wearing it. She had come to learn that the students and teachers at her school had not expected her to wear the mummy uniform and that it was, in fact, just another imposition from Principal McDoody Jerkface Poopyhead. Why should she respect him and his rules when he so very clearly did not respect her? Anna did the only thing she could thing of: subversive acts of rebellion. She started small with things like changing into her Western clothes before leaving school in the afternoon, but this was dissatisfying. Eventually she decided to hit Principal McDoody Jerkface Poopyhead where it hurt and deny him the one thing he really wanted: status.
See, in the Dutch East Indies, people from Canada are very special. Not just Canada, actually. Any white person. Their origins don't matter as long as their skin color is pale. And because white people are so special, anyone from the Dutch East Indies who knows a white person immediately increases their social status tenfold. This is why Anna was often encouraged to take photos with Principal McDoody Jerkface Poopyhead and to come to his parties. He was also fond of calling television reporters and forcing her to be profiled on their TV show (she later learned that he was misrepresenting her position and tenure at the school in order to appear to have a native Spanglish speaker on staff permanently and increase his status as a principal - not to mention his paycheck).
It was with all this in mind that Anna stopped taking photos, appearing on video cameras, and attending events at which students were not the focus. Although Principal McDoody Jerkface Poopyhead spoke enough Spanglish and Anna spoke enough of his language that they could communicate with each other, Principal McDoody Jerkface Poopyhead started playing dirty. After Anna started rejecting his invitations, he would go to one of the other Spanglish teachers at the school and make them invite Anna on his behalf. If Anna continued to refuse, the poor Spanglish teacher would get in trouble with Principal McDoody Jerkface Poopyhead. The distress in their eyes when she said she already had plans for the scheduled time of the party (the previously-made plans almost always really existed, though, because Principal McDoody Jerkface Poopyhead had a habit of remembering Anna as an afterthought of objectification and rarely gave her notice exceeding 24 hours) caused Anna undue stress. She really hated the idea of Principal McDoody Jerkface Poopyhead abusing his power like that, but she almost always refused to give in.
Finally Anna's contract ended. She was so happy and relieved and ready to go home to Canada and eat some bacon.
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